A Sort of Homecoming
by hagithara
Summary: Bella is gone. Two hearts are left broken, shattered. How can you go one after a love like that? How can you come home?
1. The End

**_A Sort of Homecoming_**

 _And you know it's time to go_  
 _Through the sleet and driving snow_  
 _Across the fields of mourning to a light that's in the distance._

* * *

Chapter One: The End

Time passed in slow motion for me.

It had since my heart gave its last beat. It was secondary. My mind worked in inhuman speed as it went through every detail in fractions of seconds. Thought every possible thought, every variable, in instants. My body and every cell of it raced, a million to one compared to humans. So fast that to mortal eyes, I could become a blur, a shadow. Invisible.

Time didn't slow down. Everything about my existence had sped up. A hundredfold.

In that moment, though... As the world continued to be my mind registered everything. Only this time. I wasn't fast enough. The irony of that settled in thick in my mind. I did the mathematical equation. I calculated. Any pattern of movement that I could make, that would be fast enough.

I wasn't. Not by a long shot. Not by a lifetime.

I tasted it in the air. Intoxicating. Mouthwatering. Beautiful. Terrifying.

I was too late to stop her. As her deep brown eyes widened in pain, in shock. In fear.

I could sense the vampire's mind. Feel her triumph. Her determination. I saw in her head how she leaped towards Bella. Her intent to jump over me to reach her. I calculated and I was fast enough to intersect her mid-stride. The taste of metal in my tongue. I felt my venom flow through the only working organs in my stone body.

It was the bloodlust. I thought.  
It was the heartbreak, my own logic corrected me.

There was no hesitation as I ripped her head of with my teeth. Tossing it aside in the snow.

The vampire called out her name and I saw in Seth's mind as he took the opportunity to tear him apart. It took two seconds. Maybe less. The vampires turned to nothing more than a heap of granite flesh. The young wolf took care of what was left of our common enemy.

And I ran.

My attention had been diverted for less than 3 minutes. I could hear her heart beating slowly. Too slow. Her self-inflicted wound pulsed out the vital liquid.

"Edward," she gasped. I smelled blood in her breath.

"I'm here, love." I lay next to her in the cold snow.

Everything suddenly felt cold. Even her body warmth was waning. Was I numb? Where was the fire, the electricity of her touch?

"I'm sorry, Edward," her hand twitched, limp on the ground. She was reaching out.

I took her hand in mine. "You have nothing to apologize for, Bella. I knew it from the start, what I was putting you through. I'm no goo-"

"Don't." She breathed. "This is my choice." Her eyes flicked behind me.

Through Seth's mind I saw her eyes lock with his. _She wants him to turn her,_ he realized. There was disgust, curiosity, understanding, fear, pain, loss, sorrow, grief. The wolf whimpered in response. He lowered his head in defeat. His heart breaking. No. Jacob's heart breaking. The entire pack mind suffered with him. Already considering her gone.

"It's going to hurt," I manage to choke out.

"Mmm." She hums in agreement.

Seth disappeared into the woods and took that moment to bite down on her neck.

Her blood was overtaking all my senses. The crimson all I could see. The sticky substance frosted over with the falling snow and dried in my fingers as I applied pressure to the gaping wound in her chest. Her heartbeat was faint and unsteady. Bella groaned in pain, unable to cry out. Her lungs were possibly filling with blood. So much blood. The monster in me rejoiced as i instinctively sucked the liquid from her jugular. The sensation was so overwhelming.

But I caught myself. And I stopped. The fragile human girl in my arms was the very core of my existence. My very nature meant nothing compared to her life. To that brittle human state of existence that kept her with me.

I bit into her wrists, the inside of her elbows. Razor sharp teeth cutting through her jacket. She wanted this, I thought to myself. She asked for it. She begged for it. Even agreed to marry me for this.

Immortality wasn't something I wanted for her. She was too pure for this. Too good. I wasn't ready to take her life away. To leave her with no choices, no future. I wanted more time. For her to be human. For her to live. More time with her.

Another irony. How I had all the time of the world but no time at all.

I understood now that I only got one chance for a love like this...

Why was I thinking this? Why was I numb?

Bella coughed blood. "No regrets." Her breath hitched. I pulled her to me.

"It's going to be alright, my love, you won't be in pain for long." My voice was a whisper.

Tears pooled in her beautiful eyes. Frost stuck to her lashes like glitter. The rays of dawn made her glow pale. Our skin for once the same. "Not in pain." She sobbed. So quiet. Her words were only a breath.

No. "Bella," I cried out to her. Air caught in my throat.

"Love you." She breathed.

No. This wasn't happening. The air tasted of venom and blood. The deep gash in her chest was pushing all my poison out of her veins before reaching her heart.

"Edward?" Her eyes pleaded

"You'll turn soon, my love. We have time for that." I covered the wound hard. Holding her together.

"No," she managed to form the word. Her lips were turning blue.

I could tell she wanted to say more. "Please, Bella..." Please what? What was I asking for?

"Wouldn't change anything..." It was incoherent but I understood.

I wanted to tell her that I would've changes so many things. Things I couldn't think of now as I held her in my arms.

"My beautiful brave Bella. I love you more than ever imagined was possible. And I will love you till the very end of the world." I complied. Unable to deny her those words she asked of me.

Tears. She closed her eyes and I wished she wouldn't.

"Enough?" I barely hear the sound but read it on her lips.

"Of course. Enough for a million lifetimes. For an eternity. For forever." I vow.

My lips touch hers and for a fraction of a second I forgot.

I forgot I'm a vampire holding a bleeding body. I forgot she's dying in my arms. I forgot where we were and why. I forgot the world and I feel her lips trying to respond.

Bella's heart stuttered. The last time it would ever react that way to my kisses. The last time it would ever beat.

I go still, frozen. As her heart stopped I realized mine had, too. There wasn't pain. There was emptiness. My eyes clouded. I was conscious. Of course I was. But my mind wasn't registering things. The interminable space in my head finally replete. Every second with her played over and over, my mind in a loop. Taking over. Not feeling, just remembering. Like a movie playing on an empty theater.

My family was there. They yelled and cried out to me. I couldn't hear them. My mind was full of Bella. Of her voice. Playing every word she'd ever said to me on repeat. I was completely disconnected, no longer registering my surroundings.

The world continued like the punchline of a cruel joke. But I didn't even notice.

Cold.  
House.  
Phone calls.  
Charlie.

He came to see me. I would've responded, reacted. But I couldn't even move.

He called often. Esme called him twice as much.

Flowers.  
Blood.  
I accepted neither.

Rosalie tried playing the piano for me. I destroyed the wall.

Alice sobbed. Often. Jasper was always away.

No jokes. No advice. No kind words. No remarks. No small talk. No words.

No one home. What was home?

No funeral.  
No epitaph.  
Just a burial.  
Marble with a name.  
Stone, pale, cold. Dead.  
Another sick joke.

"We're leaving soon, my son."

But I didn't intend to go anywhere. Not when I reached the end...


	2. Nowhere

**_A sort of Homecoming_**

 _And your heart beats so slow_  
 _Through the rain and fallen snow_  
 _Across the fields of mourning to a light that's in the distance._

* * *

Chapter Two: Nowhere

The doctor didn't speak of her. He probably didn't want to make me upset. Billy didn't talk to me the days after the doc's last visit. My bandages were off but I was still supposed to be careful.

I had been on morphine most of the time that when it finally wore off I had no idea how many days had passed. I knew I had to see Sam. But I wasn't ready to see what everyone else thinking.

The danger was gone and the pack had slipped into more relaxed patrols. Paul often came to babysit me. He'd tell me about the recent council meetings. He never mentioned the Cullens or Bella. I asked Quil about it. "Sam's orders." His eyes didn't meet mine and I didn't press the subject.

I was patient. But I was burning. At times when I was closer to sleep images of Edward crouching over Bella's limp body assaulted me. More animal than man. Like the newborns. In those images he sucked her life out.

Those flashes would haunt me for the rest of my ridiculously long life. But they also fueled me. And as I lay in bed rest, the nightmares reminded me of my nature. It was so clear who I was, who my enemies were.

I phased for the first time since that fight. Breathing deep into my wolf lungs. They were all quiet. Five of us were running patrols loosely by the treaty line. I lost myself in their thoughts. The only sounds were our paws against the earth and the rustle of the leaves as they brushed against us in our run.

 _Jake!_

 _You're back, bro._

 _Missed you around here._

 _Thanks._ My thoughts were full of my nightmares but I suppressed them from the pack. _Where's Sam? I need to speak to him._

 _He's at Emily's with Quil and the kids._

Someone joined us. And snorted. _We're kids now._ Brady shook his head dramatically.

 _Sam's right behind us,_ Seth said. We saw Emily's house through the edge of the woods.

We were running. Sam joined out interlinked thoughts and a howl pierce through the air like thunder. The movements were almost as if practiced. We regrouped in the woods close to the cliffs, concealed by the trees and boulders. We took our stances just as Sam reached us and the others joined the pack mind.

 _Jacob, I'm glad to see you on all fours again._ He greeted me.

It was seconded by the rest of the pack. I felt strong with them. Resilient. My brothers and I could take on anything.

 _And sister..._ Leah thought annoyed. She stood close behind. Next to her brother.

 _When will we attack?_ I hadn't meant to ask so blunt. But I didn't regret the way my thoughts had gathered.

Sam stopped pacing around us and my kin made no sound. _No one is attacking the Cullens._ I felt his relief, the entire pack did. Vampires would be gone.

 _Leaving? When?_ I growled. We were many, and so much faster. We could ambush them.

 _We are not breaking the treaty-_

 _The treaty has been broken!_ I bared my teeth. I stood there my heart racing. The fire in my veins fueled by rage.

 _Bella chose her fate, Jacob!_ The alpha boomed in our minds. He stood tall before me. Power, authority.

I let out a low whine. They felt my hurt. I didn't have to say more.

 _They left this morning. The doctor came by the borderline yesterday before midnight._

I growled deep in my throat. _What did he want?_

 _To thank us for the fight._ Paul thought. I saw the conversation in his head. The doctor with dark circles under his eyes, his irises closer to brown. He looked like hell. For a vampire.

 _Wait what was that?_ I asked

A glimpse of the conversation.

 _Paul?_ I asked. Demanded really.

I tensed, meaning to sprint to him.

 _Jake, please let it go._ Embry tried to reason.

 _No. Who stayed? Which of the bloodsuckers hasn't left?_ My mind was drowning with images of granite flesh ripping into pieces. Revenge.

 _You will not so much as touch any of the Cullens._ My legs buckled under me with the force of the alpha's command.

 _Go home, Jake._ Jared said.

There was confusion as the pack mind thought a million things at once and I was left alone seething in my anger.

They could hear my thoughts. I did not need to say that I had no where to go, that I could never truly come home.

* * *

 **Author's note:** Thank you for the reviews, it's so encouraging. this chapter is half the length because I couldn't cut it anywhere else without jumping into the the next chapter. I'm working on the next, it will be up soon. So you wont have any misconceptions, this will be -on the long run- an **Edward/Jacob** story. please tell me if you would like: **a) a Jacob-imprints-on-Edward fic** or **b) a good old-fashion romance**

Read, enjoy, review!  
-thara

P.S. Pay attention to the quotes at the beginning. They describe how the narrator of the chapter is feeling.


	3. Alive

**_A Sort of Homecoming_**

 _Tonight we'll build a bridge across the sea and land_  
 _See the sky, the burning rain_  
 _She will die and live again tonight._

* * *

Chapter Three: Alive

If I didn't think too much I had a good chance of outsmarting the psychic. I ran home in two legs but a grey wolf caught up to me. I didn't have to look for the black spots on his back to know it was Embry. Through the trees I saw a giant chocolate brown shape turn into a man. Embry's body blurred back into a human and Quil caught up with us as he pulled his shorts on.

I turned to the direction of my garage, ignoring them as best as I could.

"Jake, we know you. We know what you're planning." Embry said.

"This is an intervention Jake," Quil continued. "Listen to Sam, it's for the best."

I turned to face them, anger balling my fists till my knuckles turned white. "How can it be for the best? When Bella's heart stops and she turns to one of them?"

They looked at me with sadness in their dark eyes. "I don't think it makes sense to start a war. You're willing to sacrifice us for Bella's decision?" Quil tried to reason with me. There was no hurt, no venom in his voice.

"I need to go. See her for myself." I took my motorcycle and left them there.

It was possible that they would follow me. But at least in human form I got to keep my thoughts from them.

When I closed my eyes I saw Seth's last vision of her as he pull back into the woods. I saw Bella bleeding and Edward holding her. His back was to me. There was so much blood and the scent was thick in the air. The sound of razor teeth ripping skin and Bella trying to articulate her pain.

That was the last image I had of her. How was I supposed to live with that? Charlie must've been devastated. It wasn't fair for Edward to get his way. For taking her from us. I knew for a fact that Billy went to Charlie's for a burial. That leech thought he was so clever hurting everyone just so he could keep her.

I needed closure. I needed to see her pale and cold. To notice her still heart. To look into her eyes and only see a monster with blood red irises. I was shaking. Angry tears rolled down my face and I felt unable to tell my body to stay human or to change. I was stuck there, burning, trembling. Until the wave of anger simmered and I could think again.

I could think of killing Edward Cullen.

It was with rage and fury in my heart that I arrived at the Cullen's house. The only thing in my mind was I opted for waiting instead of breaking down the door. I'd give the parasite the courtesy of walking to his death as opposed to dragging him out of the house.

I grew tense as I waited and the sky turned grey and purple with rain clouds. There was no heartbeat. There wouldn't be. If someone was breathing I couldn't tell. The sound was muffled and indistinctive as rain pounced against every available surface. There was a faint sound of a cellphone buzzing and less than a second later the door opened.

If it weren't for his distinctive scent that seemed stronger in this weather, I wouldn't have recognized him. His eyes had deep bruises all around as if his nose had been jammed into his brain. The black around his eyes contrasted against his pale complexion. It was horror movie material here in the dark, in vampire territory. I knew the texture of vampire skin: smooth, hard like stone. The vampire in front of me seemed brittle, breakable. His skin was translucent and I could see bluish veins on his forearms. I had never seen Edward look so fragile standing there drenched from head to toe. Was turning a human physically draining for vampires? I found myself wondering.

"No." He answered my thoughts, that bastard.

"Where is she?" I questioned. Ignoring his previous word.

"Gone." His voice was empty, like death, like nothing was left of him but an empty shell.

I shivered as heat rolled down my spine and I was consumed by it. Anger. Rage. Controlled enough for me to phase.

 _Where is she?_ I thought as I jumped at him, throwing him against the wet ground. His neck was inches from my fangs.

"Jacob," His graveyard voice vibrated beneath me. "I was too late."

It took me a whole second to understand, to process. I looked at him again. Really looked. His eyes glistened black. He was starving himself.

 _I'll kill you myself!_ I thought and bit into his stone-cold flesh almost ripping his arm off as I threw him against the wall, destroying it with the sound of boulders colliding. Edward did nothing, didn't fight back. Didn't even stand up. He just lay there on his side. It looked like he was about to cry. His black eyes glistened as if with tears and his breathing had sounded off. _I won't believe it! Where is she?_

I sprinted to him again, biting hard into his side. The sound was of metal ripping apart. The monster responsible for Bella's life groaned in pain. "She was buried,"

I refused to accept it. It couldn't be true. My best friend.

Emotion grew in my chest, I wanted to scream to cry out, to mourn. For a second I had the sensation of exploding out of my body. _Imploding_. The very human pain has made me phase back. My mind was blank, there was nothing else to do, to say, to think. Except that I was grappling a mud-caked leech and my grip wasn't loosening. If he hadn't existed, if he could disappear…

He closed his eyes and nodded. "I'm ready,"

He knew I knew what he meant. He was ready to die, to cease from existing. He was ready for me to kill him.

"Please."

Just a whisper. How many different ways had I imagined doing it? Except now it was different somehow and I hesitated.

His stench was disgustingly sweet like vanilla-scented bleach as I loomed over him. How many times had I held Bella and sniffed her hair? She always wore this very scent like perfume. Even before I even knew it was the Cold Ones' scent, before I knew about vampires.

 _~ "You both smell fine to me…" ~_

The memory so alive and vivid that it knocked my breath out like a punch to the gut. Edward's black irises showed my reflection and something flashed for a fraction of a second…

A howl ripped through the night like thunder from the storm. The sound so powerful that even in my human form I jumped back and my knees buckled. A huge black figure emerged from the margins of the clearing.

"Sam." I acknowledge, softly because there's no point in being aggressive. His eyes were hard as he circled around me. The thrumming of their paws on the soaked dirt was deafening in the darkness. The growl that came deep from Sam's chest shook the earth, the trees, and my trembling body. I didn't need the linked minds, my body understood the command and complied.

I was on four legs but they were all silent of their opinions. My conversation with Edward played in nine different minds as I tried to block it.

 _He must be devastated_. Seth broke the pack's silence.

I snarled, but the young wolf was not moving. His eyes were fixed on Edward's figure. The bloodsucker hadn't moved so much as an inch from where I had left him. We could hear his sobs- the sound I hadn't recognized as breathing. He was shaking with every breath, otherwise still like a statue as the rain washed the mud off of him.

 _Move along, Seth_. The order fell flat from Paul, but even Sam was speechless.

We rushed past the free territory on our way back to La Push where the rain was a mere drizzle. And it came to me. _You knew,_ I accused my alpha.

 _I asked you to let it go, Jake._

It was Embry who responded and I whimpered in surprise, feeling hurt and betrayed. _What the fuck?! You all knew?_

I felt their remorse, their concern for me, and their respect for their leader and even shame from a few.

 _For the record_ , Leah said, _I voted for telling you._

 _Leah, please. Not now_. Sam ordered and we fell into our usual patrol around the Treaty Line.

It was Quil that spoke up after the silence. _Jacob, as your friend I know you deserved better from us, especially from Embry and me._

 _It was a command. You had to heal, that was the pack's priority._ Embry continued.

 _But we're not totally heartless._ Jared added, surprising us. He gestured to Sam asking for permission.

 _Seth?_ Sam called. The remaining minds felt relief as a weight lifted from the sandy wolf's mind.

We felt his anguish, his sorrow for his friend- for Edward. How he suffered for me, his _brother_. He let it all out in a rush. A river, a waterfall. Emotion pouring out of him now that he was allowed.

The Cullen's house. The place covered in black drapes and white lilies. The doctor at the door with the most heartbreaking expression. The house full of people that knew her. Bella's friends from Forks in the living room. The blonde vampire with the big one sitting in the piano bench dressed immaculately in black. The motherly one holding our hand. It was cold but the gesture was all warmth and kindness. Alice sobbing inconsolably feigning a broken arm in a cast and wearing a neck brace. Jasper looking miserable, with his elbows on his knees holding his head in his hands as his shoulders shook. Charlie with his red eyes, a handkerchief tight in his hand as he sat right next to the long ebony box. Edward standing by the coffin. Talking so fast and so low that no one could hear. "Forever" was what he had said, but his eyes were glazed and he wasn't there, not really. Looking down, into the open coffin. Bella was still Bella. Her eyes were closed and her makeup done so naturally. The deep blue dress she was in was something she would have actually wanted to wear. Even her hair framed her face in a way that seemed so casual, so _her_. She looked like she was sleeping. Her hands were crossed over her chest holding a single white flower. She could open her eyes again. As long as I saw her like that. _From Jake_ , we say out loud and place a soft kiss on her forehead. And we feel it. She's cold but only human cold. She might as well just be asleep.

She might as well be alive and happy and safe.

This was the image I needed to keep, to treasure. This was the memory I wanted of her along with all the rest. The human emotion overpowered my body and for the second time I imploded into a human. I lay there on the ground as wet leaves fell all around me and Bella's face flashed in my mind.

 _At least in my heart, Bella will live…_

* * *

 **Autor's Note:** Totally un-edited. Just saying...  
This chapter's for all of you, especially, **tiamaria89**. Thanks for the review!  
To answer **lytebrytehybrid88** 's review, the first time I read the review I though it was a very reasonable opinion. But the second time, a few days later, I felt a challenge building up inside my brain. And I began forming the potential imprint in my head, writing it out. So, yeah, it could work. But of course if it did, you wouldn't know for a while.  
On the other side, **XxLenxKagaminexX** , just think that further along, what would happen if Jake is still "imprintable"? So it's also a good theme to color future chapters, so we'll see later on.  
-love, thara


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